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[personal profile] mrlachatte
I smashed a piñata today. It was surprisingly easy, yet the thrill of success was tempered by my foreknowledge of the prize inside - a digital camera. Three short, quick strokes with the obscenely plastic bat; that's all it took to vanquish the fell beast. But lo, a divine message appeared:

You did it!

Click here to receive!

The Digital Camera!

Click to tell your friends about it!


I wish life were as rewarding and forgiving as banner ads. Every day I discover new ways to win extraordinary prizes for a minimum amount of effort. Lassoed the bull? Hooray, a new iPod! You hit George Bush with three eggs? That sort of skill deserves a free SUV! Decided between "Awesome" or "Terrible" for Steven Harper's opinion rating? A 50" plasma TV is on its way!

Do people actually click on these? Do they really have no concept of an effort/reward ratio? Are there actually human beings who are outraged to discover that the digital camera inside the piñata isn't real?

Then again, maybe life is far too similar to a banner ad. Big promises all over the place, but when it comes time to put its money where its mouth is, life is just another big jerk. I'm sorry, Mr. Matthews, but you didn't let enough of your friends know about this amazing offer, so you won't be receiving your plasma TV. Better luck next time!

Or maybe life is actually one big pyramid scheme. The people who have it made are the ones who've figured it out - they passed on the revelation to all their friends, and now everybody involved is rich and prosperous. Except for the children in Africa, of course. They're too busy trying not to die to bother with the real secret of life.

I just received an email. Apparently my wife is complaining about me being on for only a few minutes. Viagra Soft Tabs can change everything, however!!!!!! I'm sure my wife is worth it, but who has time for erectile dysfunction in this life of disappointment?

I just received a second email. Andy and John, the directors of MSN, are angry at me because I have reserved more than one account for myself. There are only 578 names left because of selfish people like me. I hate people, they are dumb and inconsiderate and never think about the long term ramifications of hitting the piñata. The piñata is a metaphor for Gilligan's Island reruns - Gilligan's still not going to escape his island, just like you're not going to get your free digital camera.

Life itself is a piñata. The more you hit, the more frustrated you get. The lucky kid, the popular kid, will get all the candy inside in one swing after you've softened it up for him. It's the one promise, the only prmosise, that big jerk life comes through on. Count on it.

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December 2007

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