Sorting out feelings, part 2

Well, I realized today a major source of my confused feelings here. My french lessons are great, I'm having fun chatting with Naomi every week. I'm learning lots, I feel that I'll be well-prepared for Grade 12 IB French, and I'm having fun. How come when I leave the university I feel so good, and when I get home I feel the absolute lowest of any point in the week? It has to do with the time that I catch the bus home, 2:30. Along the route, we pick up a ton of kids getting out of school, shouting, laughing, moving about in groups as high-schoolers do. And there's the rub, I have nothing like that in my life. I am so jealous of these nameless kids and their groups of friends, I feel so lonely with only my backpack to keep me company.

Let's count the number of people I interact with in typical week:

Monday
Tae Kwon Do class, maximum 6 people.

Tuesday
French lesson, one on one with Naomi

Wednesday
Blackbutt, two people work with me
Bible study every other week, maximum 12 people
Band, 35 people

Thursday
Tae Kwon Do class, maximum 9 people

Friday
Youth group, maximum 15 people

Saturday
Nil

Sunday
Youth group, maximum 5 people
Youth service once a month, max 30 people (mostly parents)

Now, breaking this down, there's only four people in the TKD class that are my age (instructor included), Naomi's 24 or something, at Blackbutt Sue has grandkids and Penny has kids in school, bible study and both youth groups are all high-school age, band has five people my age.

That's, what, 20 kids that are my age that I see every week. The longest period that I see any of them for is 2.5 hours. No wonder I feel lonely.

Another revelation, out of those twenty, six are girls. No wonder I catch myself staring after anyone of the opposite gender that's in high-school, I spend more time with my mum than girls my own age.

You know what else makes sense in light of these figures? The best times of this year have been NCYC (2 week bus trip with 50 people my age, four day conference with 3500 people between 14 and 30), Easter Camp (Easter weekend with 200 kids my age) and Youth Synod (weekend with 115 kids my age). I had a lot of fun last night when the family from next door came over (two teenage daughters) and we (the kids) all went and played Articulate! for two hours together. I had a great time spending 13 hours with Lauren (21 years old, daughter of family friends) on a Lord of the Rings marathon, I have a lot of fun whenever Lukas and I get together with Amy (19, in university) who we met on the NCYC trip. All I want to do is have some human interaction :(

This year couldn't be over soon enough, yet I don't want it to end. Leaving Oxford, I wanted 6 more months just to get stuff done; leaving here it feels like I've dug in roots and I'm living, not visiting. I want closure. Or something.

At least this song makes me happy.